FR 1165S FRENCH FILMS / AMERICAN MASKS
Lecture Culture Shock! (Texte 1)
THE ART OF CONVERSATION
"However slight the subject the soul is offered, it tends to enlarge the matter and draw it out to the point where it needs to labor at it with all its force."
-Montaigne, Essais
An innate restlessness in the French and a love of diversity are satisfied best by lengthy conversation, usually in the structure of analysis, Everywhere you go, you have a chance to practice speaking French and learning things at the same time.
Whether you are passing time in a cafe or just buying envelopes, expect a dIscussion of the options. In fact, to invite one, just ask a question, (You can start with Polly Platt's 10 magic words: "Excusez- moi de vous déranger, Monsieur/Madame, mais j' ai un problème…). I am amazed at the details I have learned about something as mundane as envelopes and their various glues, just by showing an interest in the salesperson's opinion. Be it the choice of stationery, the fruits in season or world politics, contrasts and detail challenge the French intellect and heighten self-esteem.
The French love nothing better than to be asked their opinion on a subject they feel strongly about. Yes, the French are "argumentative" but an argument in this case has the legal English meaning here: it is a point of view presented. not an unpleasant attack.
Compromise, on the other hand, has a negative meaning in French. Lt is to be avoided. Far better to end a discussion with all points made than find some pathetic bit of common ground with which to stand together. The French are quick to criticize everybody and everything, but that is often only to make an opportunity for discussion, to "break the ice", so to speak. Most good conversations start with a complaint and end with a satisfactory display of analytical thinking. Waiters love to discuss the nuances of their menus. Plumbers the fine points of their trade, and businessmen the extent of their understanding of the workings of the world.
People who complain that the French talk too much are probably the same ones who say the French are cool and uncommunicative: both generalities miss the point. The art of conversation in France is highly developed. It follows very specific rules. But as a foreigner with limited skills in French, you will be forgiven a multitude of sins, as long as you don't commit the only cardinal sin: refusing to converse.
In France, to enter a shop without saying Bonjour Madame or Bonjour Monsieur to the proprietor or clerk in attendance, acknowledging them as another human being, would be considered very rude.
In England or America, it would be considered unusual, a bit forward even. It is an important habit to develop in France, no matter what your other limitations in the language. Always say Bonjour and make eye contact if you can. If you can then continue the conversation with a description of what you are looking for, all the better.
No matter what transpires, never leave the shop without a Merci and Au revoir to these same people. You are acknowledging them as "hosts" in a way; you are in their domain and should respect the relationship that exists between you by the mere fact of your walking into their establishment. Even if you are "just looking".
Silence and its Preserves
Silence can also be appropriate in France, especially among strangers. Silence preserves, the French say. It allows polite distance between people in a public place. Neighbors in a building will respect each others' privacy by maintaining silence as they wait together on the ground floor for the lift (but only after they have acknowledged each other with a Bonjour Madame or Monsieur). They may go no further than this in their relationship for years!
In a train compartment with six seats, silence will be maintained among the passengers after acknowledgement of their presence. If there is a conversation between two friends among the six, it will be conducted as quietly as possible, out of respect for others' privacy, i.e. their right to silence.
Silence and an expressionless face are neutral and is maintained until human contact is made. It is hard for an American not to smile when he is just walking down the street on a sunny autumn day. Americans are taught to smile, no matter what. The French are not taught that. They need a reason to smile.
In line at a grocery store, if the wait is overlong, the French will make body motions indicating their impatience and they may throw a look of exasperation at other customers in the line for confirmation of the situation, but they will almost never speak. They would be horrified by those Americans who tell their most intimate life details to anybody who will listen at the check-out counter.
Beyond Bonjour
While silence preserves, it can also mean hostility. To pass an acquaintance on the street or to bump into other parents at pick-up time at school without exchanging a small conversation would be considered rude in France. Just Bonjour is not enough. A few comments about some topic of interest you share in common, and sensitive to the time limitations of each, is expected. The same for exchanging business with a shopkeeper you know well. Bonjour is not enough. Ça va? at least, should follow.
In a restaurant, by making the appropriate introductory comments to your waiter, asking his advice on the special dishes of the day, explaining your interest in the cuisine, you can quickly establish a rapport that will turn the evening into a pleasurable cultural plunge, with refreshing insights into both the individuals and the cuisine.
This is not idle chitchat, but a subtle development of interpersonal relations. Your conversational artistry can change the most sour waiter into a friendly one, almost immediately (See the section on "Getting Respect").
Such small conversations, professional exchanges between yourself and the person with whom you are doing business, reflect on both the status and the humanity of the two of you. Conversation, where appropriate. is a great equalizer. It can neutralize an antagonistic (i.e. fearful-of-being-put-down) atmosphere. Your success as a conversant in France can be measured by the harmony of feelings you have accumulated at the end of the day.